Can I Be Honest?

First and foremost I need to acknowledge that I know my God can, has, and will do exceedingly, abundantly, above all we can ask or think. The very fact that this blog exists, and the content of it exists, is testimony of this. However, I need to be honest about some things...

I haven't written in a few days for a number of reasons but the main one is because of this: 

Sigh...I have another rash and the joints in my hands hurt. Now, when I went to Florida a couple of weeks ago, I got bit by mosquitoes, and those bites morphed into the same kinds of rashes associated with the auto immune disease. Thankfully, those rashes have faded away.

Now what does this all mean to me? I'm not sure. I can honestly admit though that I'm scared - now of course I know the Word, and I know that, "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7), but in my flesh, I am fearful. I learned through my Joyce Meyer devotional that fear is human, but that I need to have the courage to persevere. I get that. 

This is where I'm at now...when I'm stressed or nervous or fearful, I usually bite my nails. My nails were looking a bit scary (there goes that word again) so I made a conscious decision to no longer bite. So what's the next step? I eat for comfort. Yup! So during this detox, I've cheated the last 3 days by eating chicken and salmon because I'm just in a bad place. I literally balled my eyes out last night (shaking, snotting and everything) and my husband had to comfort, hold, and console me, until I went to sleep...this is how bad it was.

See, I've been standing on the fact that I'm healed and I know and believe that God did something miraculous in me; He answered my prayer. So the symptoms were taken away but we never got to the root. I believe that this time around, I need to have the courage to see this thing through to the end, and come to the root of what's really going on. Am I willing to take medicine? No! But I will undergo more tests in order to get to the bottom of things this time around.

THANK GOD FOR CHURCH TODAY! I cried for most of the beginning of service, but I thank God for touching me and allowing me to feel His presence.

I am in pain just typing this post but I BELIEVE GOD! He didn't bring me this far to leave me. He will complete what He started. MY TESTIMONY WILL BE SURE and GOD WILL BE GLORIFIED.

See...I'm used to suffering in silence, putting on "the face", and just going through with me and God. My husband wouldn't even have known what I was dealing with, had it not hit me while I was laying down, that I was actually having joint pains again. I felt depression coming on...I felt hopeless for a moment...BUT GOD!

I've shared my darkest moments on this blog, as well as my highest victories, so me sharing this with you is not that rare. I only hope that it speaks to the fact that I am human, and that I may be coming to a harsh reality, but I'm going to be courageous and get through it. "I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHICH STRENGTHENETH ME" (Philippians 4:13). 

I will make an appointment with my primary care physician tomorrow and rheumatologist in order to get blood work taken, and we'll go from there.  In the meantime, I will continue to keep you posted, will pray that I will truly give this to God, and not continue to resort to my bad habits. I hope that I can stick with the detox to the tea because I am very capable of this.

Oh...on a good note, I walked 4 miles on Saturday morning WHOO HOO! And I'm going walking with my aunt in the morning ;-))))))

Sigh...I will get through this WITH GOD'S HELP! 

Talk to you soon ;-)